Creation and Action in display: that's what I call art!

A long time ago I started my blog in a different server (WordPress was my choice back then). I had lots of expectations about blogging (I'm a daydreamer and I won't change!), so I started writing this blog in 2006, actually October of 2006 to be exact; I wasn't very confident to write in English, as I had some really bad teachers that instead of encouraging my writing skills they knocked down my confidence and I started feeling a little uncomfortable writing at all. Now, coming back to the present, I was able to still read some of my posts; apparently, WordPress doesn't remove blogs and since I can no longer access the account to cancel or remove it, I will just link to the original blog post, and have here a revised and extended version of the original post.

I think this is a great exercise as it allows me to see myself as a writer 12 years ago, maybe I was a little naive back then, but I have to confess I still am and that's another thing I will never change about myself, because I don't see what's wrong with people until they wronged me (isn't it silly though?).

The original post El Milagro del Comienzo (The Miracle of Beginnings) is in Spanish. But I will add the translation in between the lines, if I can figure out a way to make sense of my younger self and writing:

No hay nada mejor que empezar con algo nuevo, con una tabula rasa lista para ser dibujada, delimitada, marcada, bordeada y definida. Nunca antes había escrito algo en un blog porque me parece que a veces las cosas más personales son más hermosas cuando tienen el misterio del secreto. Pero, bueno, también hay que reconocer que esta oportunidad de que alguien anónimo lea lo que uno escribe emociona de una forma muy particular que escapa a las palabras.

There is nothing better than starting with something new, a blank slate ready to be drawn on, limited, marked, outlined and defined. Never before I had written anything in a blog because I think that sometimes the most personal things are more beautiful when they are surrounded by the mystery of secrecy. But, well, I also have to acknowledge that this opportunity of having someone anonymous reading what one writes is exciting in a very particular way that can be expressed with words.

La belleza de este blog era, hasta este momento, el ser una página en blanco llena de posibilidades y proyectos.

The beauty of this blog was, up until now, being a blank page full of possibilities and projects.

En fin, hoy comienzo con este blog que va a ser más como un diario íntimo, pues en el voy a escribir todo aquello que me nazca, pero no tan personal, pues eso prefiero mantenerlo cerca de donde se encuentra ahora (en ese lado oculto del corazón). Hay una posibilidad enorme en este blog y es, sorpresivamente, encontrar una forma de contar esas locuras que me pasan por la cabeza y que siempre tienen que encontrar una salida, como mis cuadernos, mis amigos más íntimos e incondicionales, pues a pesar de todo cuando lo leo me dicen la verdad sin asco ni remordimiento, jamás me han mentido y estoy más que convencido que nunca lo harán.

Anyway, today I start this blog that is going to be more like an intimate diary, because I'm going to write here whatever I feel like, but not that personal, because I want to keep that near of where it is now (in that hidden side of the heart). There is enormous opportunity in this blog and it is, surprisingly, finding a way to tell all those crazy thoughts that go through my head and that always have to find a way out, like my notebooks, my intimate and unconditional friends, because after all when I read it they tell me the awful truth without holding back or regret, they have never lied to me and I'm pretty much convinced they will never do.

Hoy entregué la segunda copia de mi investigación sobre las hadas, esperando un poco más de retroalimentación al respecto, con la esperanza (mal que debió quedarse en la caja de Pandora) de recibir una crítica más para continuar con éste proyecto de un año de edad, que me ha llenado como ningún otro de mis trabajos filosóficos y me abrió otra perspectiva para ver la vida.

Today I turned in the second copy of my paper about fairies, waiting for more feedback about it, with the hope (evil that should've stayed inside Pandora's box) of getting another critic review to continue with this project that is one year old already, that has been more fulfilling than any of my other philosophical papers and gave me a new perspective on life.

Mis hadas están ahí, también, a la expectativa de ver que pasa, para poder cruzar a este lado para acompañarme, y nada nos haría más felices a todos (las hadas y yo) que poder estar reunidos. Que triste fue el momento cuando se murió la ilusión de creer en ellas, pero como le agradezco al psicoanálisis por ayudarme a reencontrarlas.

My fairies are still there, also waiting to see what happens,so they can cross over to join me, and nothing would make us happier (the fairies and I) than being reunited. How sad was that moment when the illusion of believing in them died, but how grateful I am as psychoanalytical theory helped me find them again.

Es un trabajo bien extenso, que ya casi alcanza el límite de lo que es una monografía, pero todavía falta mucho para terminarlo, faltan más elaboraciones e interpretaciones, para que ellas, tan dormiditas en su cajita de cristal, puedan salir otra vez a acompañarme.

Is a very extensive paper, it has reached the limit of a monograph, but it is far from being done, it lacks more elaborations and interpretations, so them, so profoundly sleep in their crystal box, can come again to join me.

También entregué la revisión de mi proyecto de monografía sobre Hannah Arendt, esperando una respuesta del profesor para saber cuál camino seguir, a pesar de que yo ya lo tengo claro; ese asunto del amor no deja de intrigarme, especialmente el asunto del amor al mundo, por lo que quiero dedicarme enteramente a este proyecto el próximo semestre y, finalmente, graduarme. Claro que a mis hadas nos las dejo de lado, pues donde quiera que vaya ahora me acompañan, silenciosas pero constantes; a veces pienso que nadie más las ve o cree en ellas, pero que bueno fue escuchar un comentario de una de mis estudiantes, en el que me reveló su interés tan especial por las mismas. Digan lo que digan, el fantaseo no es una cosa inútil, nada me llena más que fantasear.

I also turned it another draft of my paper on Hanna Arendt, waiting for feedback from my professor to know which path I should take, although it is clear to me; this issue of love is intriguing, particularly the issue of the love of the world, so I want to dedicate myself entirely to this project next semester so I can, finally, graduate. Of course I won't leave my fairies aside, because wherever I go they are with me, silent but constant; sometimes I think that nobody else see them or believes in them, but it was good to listen to a comment from one of my students in which he revealed his particular interest in them. Whatever they say, fantasizing is not useless, nothing completes me more than fantasizing.

Creative Daydreaming

As I read myself again, I realized that definitely my mentor wronged me (he left for a whole year and I had to wait two years and a half to graduate because of this situation), but it gave me time to explore other things I like about Philosophy that I could not fully understand back then. I know that my exploration of Hannah Arendt's concept of love was not as bad as my teachers made me believe; I know my writing was not good, but I needed to mature the craft to go back and see the mistakes I had made. In spite of the feedback I got two and a half years later, I am still pleased with my little creation. This is where action comes into play, because that's another word I learned from Arendt (1987) regarding the word action: Art for me is a form of action that changes our perspective of reality, and that cannot be changed back; once you have experience art and it has acted upon you, you are never the same. Psychoanalysis considers that art is the result of sublimation (Giuseppe, 2016), a sort of defense mechanism of the psyche, and I agree totally, because art does not come always from a place of joy, sometimes comes from pain too. From those particular places come my creation, that's why there are images of fairies all over the place, and it is something worth visiting in the future.

REFERENCES

Arendt, H. (1987). Labor, Work, Action. In S. J. J. W. Bernauer (Ed.), Amor Mundi: Explorations in the Faith and Thought of Hannah Arendt (pp. 29-42). Dordrecht: Springer Netherlands.

Giuseppe, C. (2016). On Sublimation. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 97(5), 1369-1392. doi:doi:10.1111/1745-8315.12530