Thinking it over, rethinking it again!
Well, it has been some time now since the last time I shared my thoughts publicly, specially on a blog, even though I don't have many followers, still is out in the open. Today I realized I'm not getting any younger and that many things went by without ever being noticed in my life. Is not that I had let all these things pass me by while I watched idly, no, it is not that; basically I realized that my choices are finally catching up and they're merciless!
I made the choice of sharing my life with someone who is way older than me (26 years to be accurate) and as I was getting back home I realized that right now I'm his support, I'm the one sharing my life with him, I'm being all those things a lifetime partner is supposed to be, but then it hit me and it hit like a train: by the time I'm 58, my partner will be 84! And when I'm 84, what will happen? And what if something happens before that? So, I had to come to a conclusion: I have to learn to be by myself, to love my loneliness, to understand that it is an impossibility to expect someone will be there for me when I reach that point in my life, because I have dedicated mine to someone older. Is not that I don't love my partner, but there's a moment in which you have to think about yourself, and these rough spots make you even more aware of such disgusting reality.
I have made the conscious choice of not getting involved in any relationship if the current one ends, basically because I'm not willing to go through many things I lived again, not that all of them were bad, don't get me wrong, but it's just too hard to start over and try to know someone and to learn to share everything again. I never understood the warnings, as usual, and I played blind when I thought about this before. But like I said, I'm not getting younger and my choices are catching up!
I should advice anyone who reads this to have a little more vision, to think about the future in 10, 20 or even 30 years, think how the choices you make today will have a long lasting effect, if not permanent. If I had thought this better, I would have said no, but there's something good about it all... but I'll have to wait for it to happen and stop feeling regret.
I made the choice of sharing my life with someone who is way older than me (26 years to be accurate) and as I was getting back home I realized that right now I'm his support, I'm the one sharing my life with him, I'm being all those things a lifetime partner is supposed to be, but then it hit me and it hit like a train: by the time I'm 58, my partner will be 84! And when I'm 84, what will happen? And what if something happens before that? So, I had to come to a conclusion: I have to learn to be by myself, to love my loneliness, to understand that it is an impossibility to expect someone will be there for me when I reach that point in my life, because I have dedicated mine to someone older. Is not that I don't love my partner, but there's a moment in which you have to think about yourself, and these rough spots make you even more aware of such disgusting reality.
I have made the conscious choice of not getting involved in any relationship if the current one ends, basically because I'm not willing to go through many things I lived again, not that all of them were bad, don't get me wrong, but it's just too hard to start over and try to know someone and to learn to share everything again. I never understood the warnings, as usual, and I played blind when I thought about this before. But like I said, I'm not getting younger and my choices are catching up!
I should advice anyone who reads this to have a little more vision, to think about the future in 10, 20 or even 30 years, think how the choices you make today will have a long lasting effect, if not permanent. If I had thought this better, I would have said no, but there's something good about it all... but I'll have to wait for it to happen and stop feeling regret.
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