There are times that you make stupid things!

I have to admit that my horrible eating disorder sometimes takes me away from what really matters. I know for a fact that eating disorders are linked to low self-esteem issues and things of that sort; I've been over this topic many times but I do blame people for what happens to me: you can't have a normal life when you're the butt of every joke they make about fat people, or when they criticize you for being plump not knowing what you're going through, but most of all, the media for selling people a stereotype that requires hours of gym and training, time that I don't have (I'm not a professional model for God's sake!)

So, I started reading my old posts (I think I'm the only one who does - LOL) and I realized that I was obsessed with my weight, watching everything I eat and not enjoying a single meal; I was not living my life, I was basically living to control my wight and feel guilty about eating. I'm not completely over it, I still feel fat and unattractive, but at least I'm eating again. I've gained 4 pounds so far which feel like I'm bearing an anvil over my shoulders, but I will have to find a way to keep a healthy weight that doesn't put my life at risk.

I should apologize, however, I will  not, because it will one of those stupid things you might do. I would be hypocritical bull to say that I'm over it, I think I never will, but I'm at a point in my life in which I need to find balance. Life after you're 30 is not simple, your body plays mean tricks on you.

I wish I could lose weight easier!